It was a fantastic, sunny and snowy day. It is like the Earth dressed up for my birthday! Right after I woke up, I felt different somehow, but it was a good feeling. I realized that my train has arrived. I am here. I am 40 today. I could not deny it anymore. I was a grown up!
America is obsessed with youth. Most ads include tall, fit, very skinny women, under 30 years old. Somehow if you are not size zero, weighing 100 pounds and making the six-figure income you might not be as accomplished. In my opinion, in America, aging has a negative connotation in our society, as we should remain wrinkle-free, gray-hair free, slender, and perpetually happy at any age.
I think, it is a trap and that is the reason so many of us feel underperforming and depressed.
If your aging makes you feel like you do not measure up somehow, questioning yourself and your place on Earth, this post if to restore your esteem and confidence.
This post will examine things that I love about turning 40 years old.
One of the thing that excites me the most about getting older is the fact that I become more mature. It seems my experiences, motherhood, career, education, immigration, marriage, and all the personal experiences gave me a sense of wisdom.
For example, in my 20-ties is was always struggled with finding my place in life. I questioned myself a lot. I was wondering: should I get married, which guy I should to marry, which job to take, what to study for, how many kids to have and when? Now, as most of those milestones are behind, I find myself in an amazing place. Calm and content. It is like all the experiences brought about a sense of intuition and knowing things without asking questions. I just know. I love that.
2. Unapologetic confidence
My twenties and thirties were very turbulent, and I struggled a lot with everything. The most struggles came from a disconnect between whom I thought I should be, according to my own beliefs, my parental messages and society around me.
For example, when I got pregnant for the third time, my spouse and my mom were unhappy and questioned my resolve. My spouse was worried about how having one more child will affect the rest of the family and us as a couple. His concerns were very well founded, but deep, very deep in my heart and my bones, I wanted another baby. I needed to know I can create life, support life and raise another human being.
Today, five years later, when I watch my husband giggles and plays with our now four-year-old youngest son, I realize that the decision was conflicted but unapologetically I am confident about who I am, my choices in life and my path.
I am very grateful and feel blessed as a mom, as a woman, and as a human being. I love myself. I really do. First time in many years i am at peace with my myself.
The left side of my body is different from my right. My eyes, eyebrows, my bust, my hips and many other parts of my body, including teeth are not symmetrical. For years I wondered how I can perfect my body, get slimmer, more this way and that way and so on. Today, I realized, my body is secret and amazing.
I accept my imperfections and declare the nice girl official void. I am enough as I am. Exactly as I am. No more self-improvement quests. I accept myself as is.
4. The power of becoming
You might be struggling with this one too. It is the in-between space. It is the path of becoming. It is the time from conception to birth, from a job interview to a next email, from your text message to his, from applying to being accepted, from saying “ I love you” to a response. The “in between space.” It can be hard to breath when you hold that pregnancy strip in the bathroom, hoping… I am wondering, waiting.
I have a secret to share. Your and my entire life is “the in-between space,” and we continuously become someone. We struggle violently to achieve, complete, close and accomplish one thing when we realize that there is another goal, horizon or something else that we are developing towards. It is life. The beauty of becoming is all-encompassing and amazing. We dread it, but every time you find yourself struggling, it is because you are growing. Growth can be uncomfortable. However, it is life.
I realize now, every time I am becoming, struggling, having issues, experience challenge it is a gift. The gift of growth and transition. The transition from one role to another, from one place in life to a new destination. Let`s accept it, embrace it and welcome the power of becoming into your life. I did.
5. Comfort with taking
Accepting gifts is a problem for me. Receiving and taking anything from anyone is an issue. I am terrible at it and have a hard time accepting support, gifts, efforts, and time. I guess somewhere deep inside I feel undeserving? When people give to me, I felt sick to my stomach and ashamed somehow?
Not sure where this is coming from or how it got here, but I do know that the ability to take affects my life. From accepting help, gifts from my loved ones, or getting a raise, I struggle with all of it.
Getting older helps and today i am learning to find comfort in taking. I find solace In receiving and allowing the other person to enjoy the giving. I realize that being selfish and taking is good. It took me 40 years to get here, but I feel stronger about accepting and allowing others to contribute to my life. Receiving is a gift on its own merits, and now I know it.
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